my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
