you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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