I hate all girls vehemently.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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