i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
