he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You need Xanax blowdarts
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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