he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
