I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
