just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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