I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
