I accidentally burped into my bong.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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