Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
