I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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