I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
