and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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