I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
