Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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