you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
