I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
