i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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