Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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