You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
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And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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