These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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