Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
