Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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