I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
