How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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