I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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