i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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