i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
