Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
