My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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