so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
