Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
