I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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