i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
there is glitter all over my balls
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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