im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Shame - the story of my life.
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