I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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