I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
