There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So here I am, sexting at work.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
