I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
