We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
our cab driver is having phone sex.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
