i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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