DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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