you have to choose: penises or morals?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
So squirting runs in the family.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
