Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
