Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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