every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
