Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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