Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
