His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
did i walk over a car last night?
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What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize