Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
