In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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