addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize