my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
