New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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