Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
