Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
