He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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