I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My vagina just clenched in fear
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
