God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
