Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
