I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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