I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
