We need to rekindle our bromance
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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