Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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