the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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