Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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