I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
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I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
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And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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